Charterhouse v Lancing
On: Saturday 16 September
Venue: Big Ground
Score: Draw 3 - 3
Charterhouse welcomed Lancing to Big Ground on Saturday, with the sun shining but the grass slick, with optimism in the air but a nagging sense of anxiety on the ground and with tails up (after the win against Ibstock) but hair very much down, which is starting to really irk. Some team members have developed an irritating habit of sweeping hands through hair as the ball is travelling in their direction. One can't help but feel that this time and physical response might be better utilised worrying about basic body position, or maybe having a look over the shoulder for example. But no, it's more important to make sure that the hair is sitting right and out of the eyes before the next phase of play can begin. This is doubly irritating to those among us that are growing ever-concerned about the vivacity of our own our hair growth and indeed its very existence as a concept. First comes the Danny Murphy stage, then the Alan Shearer, before finally and with crushing inevitability, the Arjen Robben, at which point there's a weary journey down to Boots in Godalming, walking past teeming numbers of hair dressing shops all stuffed full of hirsute Surrey locals, to buy a £30 clipper set, because there's just no point paying for it. At least Dovell and Nils wear hairbands and it really has come to something when you're getting credit for that appalling style choice.
But anyway, the football. Charterhouse once again started brightly and took a deserved lead when Sam Browne's 'shot' went in off the crossbar. Up and running. And Howells was still around the back of the scoreboard putting up the '1' when Lancing equalised. Charterhouse totally switched off from kick off, too busy congratulating themselves and promptly handing Lancing a way back into the game. Sloppy. Half time arrived and went, as it so often tends to do and then, again without any real surprise, we found ourselves in the second half. This was a 40 minute period characterised by almost incessant Charterhouse pressure, but without anything for the Lancing goalkeeper to do. It was much like the pre-revolutionary 1783-1788 period in Ancien Régime France. Pressure was building from all angles on Louis XVI and his ministers but there really wasn't any great threat to the unfortunate monarch, or his very lovely wife. Sure they'd both be beheaded in fairly appalling circumstances and their children left to die in prison before revolutionary wars swept across the continent causing the deaths of millions and creating a period of reaction that lasted well into the nineteenth century. And nobody's claiming that this happened on Big Ground. But it was a strange period nonetheless. Despite the feeling of being camped in the Lancing half, Charterhouse still managed to concede two goals, one from the only Lancing corner of the half and one from a penalty after a quick break and some questionable defending. But they did notch a brace, through the inspirational Harry Gilbey. The first was a beautiful goal, after a flowing move and cross, which the marauding left back met with a stooping header at the far post. And then, like his great hero Jon Snow, and with Charterhouse 2 - 3 down with minutes remaining, Gilbey announced "When enough people make false promises, words don't mean anything". And with that he dragged the Charterhouse team back into the match with a thumping left foot strike from just inside the box. Parity. But ultimately it was disappointing. It was a score draw. Much like in August 1788 when the parlement refused the monarchy's reforming plans as the crown ran out of money, one felt that the real action and fireworks were just around the corner. But the final whistle put paid to all that. About the best thing that can be said for the game is that we didn't lose. But we need to get better. And fast.
